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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23017144">with all of the light and shame</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/xylazine/pseuds/xylazine'>xylazine</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Fluff</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 11:27:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,989</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23017144</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/xylazine/pseuds/xylazine</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A soft exploration of Maria and Michael after the s1 finale.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Maria DeLuca/Michael Guerin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>with all of the light and shame</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a moment of weakness. That was how she'd describe it in the future if she was ever asked. Guerin of all people. Guerin who drank too much, flirted too obviously, and never wanted more than a smile from her. Guerin who followed her around in Arizona. Guerin who let her rest in his lap when she'd somehow passed out at the gala. Guerin. Who was always somehow there when she needed him exactly as she needed him.</p><p>So when he turned those soulful eyes on her and rested his hand on her cheek, she wasn't strong enough to resist her feelings with him here. Like this. She needed something solid to tether her to the world. With her mom in care her steady foundation had shifted. </p><p>His touch was comfort and sin. She wanted with all her being but he wasn't hers. But he was here. Looking at her the same way she felt for him. It wasn't a love story for the ages. He wasn't who she was going to grow old with and tell their grandchildren of their romance. He was who she needed now. When her world was slipping through her fingers and she couldn't right it. He wouldn't push her or be more work than he was worth. He was a warm, comforting body. And she couldn't say no when his lips touched hers and those hands skimmed along her curves. </p><p>He needed her. She needed him. And they didn't need anything else beyond this moment. The past slid away. The future wasn't clear. But the present. It could full of passionate kisses and knowing glances and forgetting about all that worried her. She knew she only had minutes, hours, maybe days. A stupid part of her liked how he fit into her here and now but she knew they aren't meant to be anything more than a few white hot fireworks. Brilliant, burning, and out too soon.Except-</p><p>Maria shook her head as Michael leaned in for another kiss. "What about-" she didn't want to say it and ruin whatever spell they'd fallen under but she couldn't pretend there wasn't an elephant in the room. </p><p>He smiled that reckless smile of his, the one she was starting to learn hid all of his pain and worry. "Alex." He licked his lips, his gaze skittering from hers to the floor. There was a profound pause, heavy with everything he didn't want to acknowledge, before his eyes met hers again. "We've got a lot of history and we just... Need some time to figure things out." </p><p>Maria stepped back, shaking her head. "Then I can't do this, Michael. He's one of my best friends and I won't hurt him like this." Michael nodded, his smile faltering. His newly good hand curled into a fist. "I get it. I do. But you and I? We've got something too." </p><p>Maria shook her head again. She knew they had something. She liked how they could exist quietly, their personal torrents raging about but somehow it was like they were standing in the eye of a hurricane when they were together. Everything just quieted. He was strength and comfort and everything she had dreamed she'd want in a partner. Minus the baggage of being in love with her best friend. "I think you should go." </p><p>"Don't be like this, Maria." Michael pleaded, taking a step towards her. She crossed her arms across her chest, willing the tears to stop filling her eyes. "I won't hurt him like this. He's got enough going on without us sleeping around behind his back. If you ever want him back, we can't happen." </p><p>Michael bit his lip. "Fine. I get it. But I still think you're missing out on what we could be."</p><p>Maria watched him leave, her features set in stone. She waited until the door closed again to sink into the booth he had sat in and cry her heart out. She cried for what could have been.She cried for her mother. She cried for the strength she wished she could borrow from someone. It could have been him. In a different life she'd have let him stay. But not this one. Complicated was something she didn't need right now. It just happened to be what Michael succeeded at.</p><p>Michael went out to his pickup, itching for something to take his mind off everything. He'd wanted it to be Maria. She was understanding and calm and exactly what he needed to silence his storm. He'd been stupid to think she'd just fall into his lap. Of course she was still friends with Alex. He couldn't believe he'd forgotten about that. </p><p>Alex had been gone for so long and Maria had been there. There'd always been some spark between him and her but he'd never acted on it. She'd seemed so untouchable, and he didn't think she'd want to be involved with all of his mess. But then fate and thrown them together and he'd realized just how good it could be between them. She wasn't wrapped up in a complicated past. She was present and steady and the kind of person who wouldn't make him drown. And he craved that peace. He craved how all of his chaos stilled when she was near.</p><p>Before he even had a chance to process his next move, his world crashed down around him again. Everything was tumbling around him. He'd found and lost his mother again all within a few moments. His own piece of home. It had been all too brief. His chance to belong and know his place in all of this. Max and Isobel were family but they were never his. Especially after Rosa. He'd tried to ease the turmoil by going to Maria and that backfired. Max and him had fought. And now Isobel was telling him max was dead. Max had believed himself a damn God and resurrected Rosa at the loss of his own life. </p><p>Michael didn't want to believe it but knew that was exactly the kind of stupid, vainglorious thing Max would do. He was hell bent at moving the world for Liz that he never stopped to think what the repercussions of his actions were. And now Michael and Isobel were left to deal with the aftermath. He was a lost boy again, scorching everything he touched.He couldn’t think straight, couldn’t figure out how to cope with what his life had become. So he vanished. He let himself get lost in his grief, lost to the world.</p><p>There was so much Maria wanted to ask, so much everyone was hiding. She’d noticed Michael’s hand but hadn’t thought to ask. Liz was a wreck but couldn’t say why. Noah Bracken was murdered in the desert.  There were so many secrets. And all the people Maria could talk things out with were gone. </p><p>Alex texted her a few days later asking if she’d seen Michael lately. Maria had wondered if it was Michael had been avoiding her but what if he was involved in whatever chaos was affecting her friends? She added him to her list of things to worry about.</p><p>Several days later, just after closing, he showed up, drunk and bruised. Maria said nothing as she took him all in. Whatever he was working through, he wasn’t ready to talk about it. So she escorted him up to her room and bandaged his hands and cleaned him up. She led him to her bed and took the couch for herself. </p><p>She opened her phone and shot Alex a message. "He's here." </p><p>"Thank God. Take care of him for me." </p><p>Maria didn't know why he chose her. But she wouldn't ask questions, wouldn't push him away. </p><p>She ran into Alex by chance a few days later. "Hey. Alex look-" </p><p>He stopped her with a kind, sad smile. "He and I have a lot of history. He's hurting and right now, I think he needs you." </p><p>"You're not mad?" He shakes his head. "He and I... right now? We're not really a thing. I need some time to find myself again after Afghanistan and my father. And he's... Going through a lot, too. One day, maybe our paths will reconnect. Or maybe you're just what he needs. But maybe... You and I don't see each other for a little while. I could never hate you but I still love him." He looked away. "Please, take care of him." </p><p>She let him leave after that. Her heart both heavy and full. She won't admit it, but she needed Michael there too. It helped the too quiet apartment feel less empty. She wasn't alone with Mimi’s ghost, with the knowledge that she had her mother committed.</p><p>When she returned, Michael was sitting in the bar, strumming his guitar. He didsn't look at her when she entered, didn't even seem to register she was there. But then he shook his curls from his eyes and slid his gaze towards hers. He gave her that devastating half smile and she knew he'd be all right in the end. </p><p>"What's for supper?" </p><p>She laughed and threw her receipt at him. "Whatever you're making." </p><p>They fell into an easy rhythm the next few weeks. They didn't speak about Alex, Mimi, or any of the ghosts haunting them. Their world shrunk into the two of them. And they started to heal. </p><p>It was a different sort of healing. He doesn't talk about the size of his demons and she doesn't air her myriad of worries. Most things were said in gentle touches: a hand on her waist, fingertips dancing across his shoulder, his head in her lap and her fingers tangled in his curls. For whatever reason, this was completely uncomplicated even with all the things they'd pushed aside knocking at their door. </p><p>It was heady and soft... Everything they needed in the now. It won't last forever. It was an unspoken truth they both know keenly. It was a different kind of love, a sort of detour for them both. It could still devastate them if they let it but Maria was determined not to let it break her. Good things didn't just drop out of the sky. And the heavens knew she needed some good in her life right now.</p><p>Time passed, both of them learning how to face the world outside the Pony again. They couldn’t exactly say how long they’d hidden away, just that they had. They were as close together and as far apart as two people could be. Their days were numbered, she could tell. He didn't need her shelter and she was strong enough to stand on her own again. </p><p>It didn't mean she wouldn't enjoy what they had left, though. She reached for him, twining their fingers together one last time. He kissed her knuckles. There was something soft in his gaze, something they'd always share. But there was more now. A hint of regret, full of longing. And the knowledge that they had run their course. She always knew they only had the now. The tomorrows were for him and Alex. But their time together had been enough to fill her heart to bursting. Someday she'd find the one for all the rest of her days, just as he had. </p><p>"You’re magnificent, DeLuca." she rolled her eyes and gave him that half smile he knew so well. There were a million things she wanted to say but words were never their strong suit. Instead, she nudged him onto his back and straddled his hips. He pulled her to him for a kiss, maybe their last, maybe not. She met him eagerly as she always did. They knew their rhythm well by now, playful and heady, tender and passionate. Their hands and bodies said all their mouths could not. They'd worry about tomorrow when it came. They had all they needed for today.</p>
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